It's in my nature to be changing

I have stupid homework, groceries to buy, Tigers and Red Wings to watch, a sexy body to keep gleaming, and I feel like writing. Plus, I said i'd be doing this about every other day. You can blame school for keeping that away, but only 3 weeks left for these shit summer classes, then the real fun begins. They end the Monday before the Polish Festival, so believe me, i'll be up and celebrating for more than just the typical reasons.

Now before jumping into the whole St. Louis-coming home conundrum, i;d like to say that I have left out a bunch of dumb ass things that happened during "The Stacy year-and-a half." Those will probably be thrown in from time to time over the next bit because drugs have killed my brain. Actually, it's just that I don't keep notes about life events (i don't do drugs dummy, even though no one believes that) and usually remember them in my sleep, so then I can write them the next day. I remember now when Ryan Casteneda and I first were hanging out and he rode with me out to Randy's house in Munger to meet that entire group for the first time. Somehow we decided to have like a 6 on 1 wrestling match against "the new guy" in his front yard. I dont remember much from that day except that Ryan got an acoustic guitar busted over his back for no reason. Driving home he said, "Your friends are crazy, i'm never going back there." Haha, such a lie. He was back with Randy and such from the next day until now. Funny how such good friends come from such odd beginings (much like me and Jim Flemmer). Us too, Ryan and I became friend because Jessica initally wanted to date him, and Micheal and I tagged along one night, and then he and I became great friends without those two.

So I go to St. Louis directly after court, and spend the next 8 days there hanging at my dad's cousin's house. My grandparents, my brother, my dad, and my eventual step-mom also came down. Ann was actually on business in Kansas City at the time so she just met us there. (Funny inset -- Ann was staying at the same hotel in Kansas City that the Ozzfest tour was one night, and when she showed up to St. Louis she said, "Justin, have you ever heard of Ozzy Osbourne?" Now this was before the whole pop culture explosion and you actually had to listen to heavy music to know him. I said yeah, duh. She goes into this story of how 2 days ago she met him in an elevator on the way up to their rooms. He introduced himself and she said something about how odd everyone in the lobby looked [haha]. Nothing more, but it's funny how if you don't know someone is "famous" you dont think about it much) Okay, back to the tale. This trip was awesome because it was what I NEEDED. I had my head so far up Stacy's ass for so long that it became a way of life. I'd leave school, leave work, leave home, and head directly to Stacy's. If my friends wanted to hang out, Stacy would have a shit-fit and then i'd end up sitting around with her. All day and night, everyday.

I of course called her when I could (before personal cell-phones folks), but after a few days without her, and enjoying my dad and brother, it began to feel that when I called it was a chore. I was doing so much, but didnt feel like telling her about it. It was kind of like, hey, i'll see you around. I hadn't been "free" in so long, that just the feeling was invigorating. Either way, when we got home, it was only around 9pm one night. She was begging for me to come over once I got into town, but my dad knew that, so he of course "barred" me from going there. He had me stay at his house until the next day. My parents didnt ever like her too well, and my dad could sense that I was straying from her, so I think he had a little motive here. When I showed up the next day, it was the same old shit. Sitting around, whatever. I felt that there was a whole world out there that I was missing because of this. And she didn't want to go anywhere. 2 days went by and it was like this. I felt like a damn freak-on-a-leash. Finally one day, Higgins called me up on her house phone asking if I wanted to come to his house and chill. I said of course, i couldnt wait to leave, but really didnt have any excuse. I got off the phone and immediately said, "I'm goin to Ryan's, by myself." Now this would piss any girlfriend off, but I was fed up. This was my chance to grow a set of balls.

I just said whatever and walked out the front door. There she stood, on the porch yelling, "If you drive off, we're done!" And that's what I did, I drove away. Now the reason I say James had really saved my life was this. I show up at Higgin's, and call it divine intervention or whatever, but as soon as I get there James pulls into the driveway. Now to understand the seriousness of this: I HADNT SEEN, SPOKEN, NOTHING FROM JAMES OR JESSICA IN 20 MONTHS. So when he pulls in, i'm thinking, "great, here come a fight." But in honesty, i was so relieved because what I needed the whole time was James. He was the most normal "old" friend that hadnt gone nuts with some girl (that'll be soon though, haha) and I fucking needed someone like that. When he got out of the car it was like everything was cool. I said my girlfriend just left me (or vice-versa) and he says "good, about time." WTF? We all decide to go to the arcade (wtf also) and then he drops it, "Hey, someone wants to see you.." Jessica of course (woot woot). We stop in front of his house on the way and she comes outside, it was almost like a setup seriously. We talk for a few like nothing was ever wrong and I said we'll be back soon so we can talk. Now this day/night of my life was a big event even though to others it might seem like nothing really. This day I grew some balls toward my girlfriend instead of being the pussywhipped donk, met important people again and learned that grudges are for retards, and after the rest of the night learned that the world again would rule.

Believe me, all I could think about at the arcade was what Jessica and I could talk about later. I wanted to get back to that front porch immediately, and James and Higgins could sense it. But, more on that later. It's so good though.

I gotta get pictures on this thing too. Soon I say!

I think instead of putting the music I listened to of that time, i'll put what i'm listening to now. I still listen to that old shit too, but this way maybe you'll like something I put up and check it out.

Word...Millencolin - Kingwood (recommended from my buddy in the Lawrence Arms today.)

Thanks for reading!